What Holds Us Back? The 6 Invisible Forces That Keep Us Stuck… And How To Get Unstuck!

Have you ever found yourself stuck in a rut — frustrated, indecisive, or quietly unhappy — and you just can’t quite figure out why?

You’re not alone.

There are moments in life when we know something needs to change… yet we hesitate. We spin our wheels. We wait for clarity, or the “right” time, or permission. But behind that stuckness, there’s usually something deeper at play — an invisible force pulling us back and keeping us stuck where we are.

In this post (and in Episode 13 of The Solo Coach Podcast), I share of the the biggest forces I’ve come to recognise — both in myself and in the lives of my coaching clients. I call them the six invisible forces that hold us back. And the first one? No surprise...

1. Fear

Fear is natural. It’s hardwired into our psyche — a built-in protection mechanism that’s kept us safe for millennia. But while fear has its place, it also keeps us stuck. It whispers warnings. It paints vivid worst-case scenarios. It makes comfort zones feel deceptively safe.

There are many flavours of fear:

• Fear of change (because change = pain, right?)

• Fear of loss — of identity, money, or status

• Fear of failure, or worse, being labelled a quitter

• Fear of letting others down

• Fear of embarrassment — looking foolish, being laughed at

These fears feel real. They can be paralysing. But they’re rarely as bad as we imagine. And our worst-case scenario rarely, if ever, plays out.

When I recently joined Toastmasters, I was terrified. Public speaking had always been something I admired in others — and feared for myself. But I pushed through, delivered my first speech, and… I smashed it. That fear? It wasn’t a prophecy. It was a doorway.

Leaning into our fears can lead to building great mental strength, resilience and huge personal growth. But it isn’t easy, and like weightlifting, is a muscle that grows as you use it. What’s one fear that you could lean into, today? How would you feel if you conquered it, once and for all? What’s the cost of never facing into it, and allowing it to be in the driving seat for the rest of your life?

2. Uncertainty

We all crave certainty. We want to know that if we leap, the net will appear. That the decision is “right”. That the path ahead is secure.

But here’s the truth: you won’t know… until you try. The clarity you seek is often waiting on the other side of action.

Think of it like crossing a foggy river. You can’t see all the stepping stones, just the next one. And yet, the only way across is to step forward, trust that the next step will appear, and keep going.

When I was solo travelling, I tried to control everything — the plans, the schedule, the outcomes. But the magic didn’t happen until I let go. I stopped booking every detail in advance, and started creating space for spontaneity. And guess what? That’s when the incredible moments happened. That’s when solo travel became life-changing.

3. Untrue Stories

Some of the stories we tell ourselves are so common, so normalised, that we forget to question them.

You’ve probably heard a few of these:

• “Better the devil you know”

• “The grass is always greener on the other side”

• “It is what it is”

• “Work isn’t supposed to be fun”

• “Work is just a means to an end”

These stories perpetuate our suffering. They justify playing small. They normalise giving up. And often, they’re based on someone else’s experience — not ours.

We need to start challenging these beliefs. Not just why we believe them, but if they’re even true for us. A good place to start is by thinking of counter-examples, which prove these stories wrong. Does everyone hate their job? Was everyone that runs a business, experienced when they started? Do all financially successful people have poor health and relationships? In reality, the stories we tell ourselves about why we “can’t” or “shouldn’t” are rarely true.

4. We Don’t Believe We’re Capable

This is a big one.

How often do we look at an opportunity — a new role, a business idea, a big goal — and immediately disqualify ourselves?

• “I couldn’t do that.”

• “I’m not ready.”

• “I don’t have the skills.”

But here’s what I’ve learned: we are all more capable than we believe.

When I worked on a farm in New Zealand, I found myself doing things I never imagined — from injecting antibiotics into Highland cows to chainsawing fallen trees. Was I “qualified”? No. Was I capable? 100%. And so are you.

5. We Don’t Believe We’re Worthy or Deserving

Another invisible weight we carry is the belief that we don’t deserve success, abundance, or happiness in all areas of life.

We tell ourselves:

“If my career’s going well, my relationship must suffer.”
“I can’t have it all. I must choose between success or happiness.”
“I don’t come from a business background, so I’m not meant for it.”

But that’s not the truth — that’s conditioning.

You can have it all. You can experience abundance in love, work, health, finances, and beyond.

The only person who needs to believe it… is you.

6. We Kid Ourselves

Here’s the bonus force. The one that sneaks in quietly and keeps us stuck the longest:

We kid ourselves.

We say things like:

• “Maybe things will get better, if I wait a bit longer.”

• “It’s not that bad. It could always be worse. I should be happy with what I’ve got.”

• “When I get the promotion, house, car, bike or holiday - then I’ll be happy.”

We convince ourselves that if we just work harder, or wait longer, the situation will magically improve. But deep down, we know… it won’t. Not unless we change something.

As Einstein famously said, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

So, What Now?

If any of these six invisible forces resonate with you, you’re not alone. I’ve experienced every one of them. And I still do, from time to time.

But awareness is the first step. Once you can name what’s holding you back, you can begin to release its grip.

Which of these invisible forces is keeping you stuck right now?
What small step could you take today to reclaim your power?
Could a conversation with a coach help you to get unstuck?

Let me know in the comments — or drop me a DM. I’d love to hear from you.

— David
The Solo Coach